the working mother

I've always thought the term "working mother" was redundant. I attempted going back to work after the birth of my first child, my daughter, Harley, when she was about 7 months old. My body was even better than it had been before I conceived her, so when my manager from Hooters asked me to come back, I was anxious to get out of the house. This lasted for one day. After being at work a mere 3 hours, I called my grandmother and asked her to please go pick the baby up from daycare and bring her to me, and she did. As soon as she got there, I sat in the bathroom nursing my beautiful baby girl and decided then that I couldn't do it. We didn't exactly need the money, and no amount was worth this feeling that I had in the pit of my stomach. It just felt wrong to me.
Two years later, my ex husband and I decided we should start trying for second child. We desperately wanted a boy and twenty minutes later I was pregnant with Carter. By the time he was a year old, my husband and I were separating and I was working 3 jobs. I was back at Hooters, working at Merle Norman, and working as a personal trainer. I was exhausted. Not to mention, I missed out on so much with my children. All I wanted was to be with them all the time. Then we were divorced and I went through a really rough time emotionally. I was confused about who I was, where I was going, and what I should do next. Now, five years later, I have another child. Another son. I've heard it said a hundred thousand times that God will not give you something that you cannot handle. I firmly believe that God brought Braydon to me to keep me from losing my mind when Harley and Carter left in December. Had it not been for him, I would have most definitely gone into a serious depression being away from my children. But, I didn't have a choice. I had to be "mommy". I couldn't cry all day. I had a baby to feed, change, play with, read to... I had "work" to do.
I've never gotten paid for this job. This is what makes it both the most rewarding and least rewarding job, simultaneously. I have always loved staying at home with my children. I don't want to miss out on anything. I love changing diapers, getting up in the night to feed them, going for walks around the neighborhood, reading Horton Hears a Who over and over and over, watching Little Einsteins, dancing in the living room to Hall & Oates... all before noon. I love my life as a mommy. I also recognize that in these economic times, it is almost impossible for a family to get by without both parents working outside of the home. So, I got a job.
It's a job that I adore. It's perfect for me. It combines three of the things that I love most: photography, babies, and sales. I'm going to be really good at it, and I'll have the potential to make a lot of money doing it. But, herein lies the problem- a mother works. A stay at home mother works harder than probably any person on the planet. You don't have "time off"... well, except for me. The past couple of weeks, I've forced my "time off" by getting my grandmother to watch the baby for a couple of hours so I could go to a friend's house. But, most mothers don't even get to do that. Like I said, I forced it. But, even working outside of the home, I'm finding that I'm still expected to do all that was expected of me before I got this job.
My daughter once told me "Mommy I know why God made women to be Mommies... because Daddies couldn't handle it". Boy, was she right.