the real love

seven more days. actually...  seven more nights.. then a wake up... and a drive to atlanta.... then my babies will be in my arms again. just thinking about it makes me want to cry. those children- harley, carter, and braydon- are my entire world. nothing else matters. i realize that now more than ever. being away from my oldest two children, not touching their faces or holding their tiny bodies for six whole months has been more difficult than i even imagined. but it's almost over. and if i've learned anything lately, it's that love doesn't matter. not the romantic kind anyway. it's nice to be in love. even unrequited love can be nice because even if the other person doesn't feel the same, it's still nice to feel in love... and to be completely honest, when you love someone who doesn't love you back- somewhere deep inside, you're holding on to some kind of hope that someday they will. but, again, that doesn't matter. people will hurt you. men (and women) will disappoint you. people, by nature, are selfish. they do what feels right to them, for them. children aren't like that. at least mine aren't. my children love me. unselfishly. they don't care what i look like. they don't care that i've got "issues". it doesn't bother them that i need a lot of affection. lots of hugs and kisses. they're happy to give them to me. my carter will tell me, with my hair piled high in a messy bun with no makeup on and still in pajama pants and an oversized sweatshirt that i'm the most beautiful woman in the world. he loves his mommy. he wants to marry me. and he says that if he can't marry me- she has to be just like me. that's love. harley says that she hopes she's just like me when she grows up. i tell her that i want her to be better than me. she tells me there's no such thing. that's love. when i'm sick- they don't ask for a thing. they just want to make me feel better. when the radio doesn't work, they don't complain. we take turns picking what song to sing to fill the silence. when i was 9 months pregnant ready to get their baby brother out of me, they walked with me literally every single morning before school, every afternoon after school around our neighborhood until i couldn't walk anymore. they wanted to be right there with me in case i needed anything. when i'm crying, harley will come hold me. we don't have to talk. she is her mother's child, if there were ever such a thing. she's a "cryer" like i am. i had to explain to her once that, because she's like me, there are going to be times when she feels like she needs to cry and she's not going to know why... but that it's still okay. it's not okay to be hurtful to others because you are sad, but that there's nothing wrong with just going to your room  and crying to let it out. so she understands when i need to do that. and she just holds me and lets me know she's there- the same way i do with her. we are joined at the soul. carter, on the other hand, being a typical "man", sees me crying and wants to "fix it". i love that about him. he would never ever let anyone hurt his mama. he's my protector. my life has not been the same since they've been gone. and as hurt as i've been lately, i realize that none of that even matters. the only  thing that matters is my children. it's the only love that is forever. have i loved men? absolutely. will i love again? undoubtedly. but will any love that i will ever feel come even close to what i feel for the three "little people" that i gave birth to? not a chance. it's the only "unconditional love" that i believe in. every one else seems to put unspoken conditions on their emotions. i'm not one to follow rules, usually. i'm a non-conformist. and ya know what?? my babies still love me.