-insert melodramatic title here-

you told me once "there's a lot you can tell about a person by the way they brush their teeth". with a mouthful of toothpaste, i laughed. we laughed. we brushed our teeth. that was so long ago now. at least it seems that way. yet, in some ways, it seems like it wasn't so long ago at all.
what could you tell about me? i'm sure you were only kidding, but surely you thought something. in those early days. in the beginning. i know you loved me. but what made you love me? you said i was different. i'm not. how long did it take you to realize that? why does everyone want to be "different" anyway? that's what people say when they meet someone new that they like... "he's different". different from what? a monkey's ass. well, i would certainly hope so. different from other men? how so? does he smell different? is it the fact that he opens doors for you? other men do that. so, he's not "different" from them in that respect. is it the way he kisses you? because unless you've kissed every. other. man. on. the. planet. you have no way of knowing if he's "different" from them. regardless, i don't suppose i'm so different after all, and maybe that's a problem. but, you know what i learned about you? that you're strong. your arms have a way of wrapping around me and making me feel more cozy than i have ever felt in my life. you're intelligent. moreso than i expected, really. is it stereotypical to say that being as unbelievably gorgeous as you are, i was afraid i would have to sacrifice stimulating conversation? never an issue.
the passion. the comfort. the fun.
maybe it's gone. maybe things will never be as they were in the beginning. maybe things will "fix" themselves somehow and we can be as happy as we were in those earlier days. it really doesn't matter, i suppose. i love you. i always will. and that love will live on forever in our son. he is proof of all that we have ever had, regardless of our past. regardless of what our future holds.

raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

hmmm... i don't suppose i've ever noticed roses so much. and kitten whiskers annoy the mess out of me. especially when i'm trying to sleep and puddy kitty snuggles next to me. her little whiskers tickle my face and i want to throw her across the room. (i highly doubt that anyone from PETA or any other animal rights organization is reading this, but just as a disclaimer- i don't actually throw the cat across the room. i just think about it. that's all. promise.)
anyway. those are not two of my favorite things. one of them is one of my least favorite things. and i'm no Oprah, nor do i claim to be... (however, if she were to offer me a position on her magazine staff, i think i would take it) but i have some favorite (and least favorite) things of my own. and because you are here, reading my blog, i'm convincing myself that you care. so... enjoy.

my favorite things

1. lots of last names. really. granted, i dropped the "eldridge" when i remarried, but had i thought it through a little more, i think i would have kept it. when the fictional scarlett o'hara had finally married all of her many times, her full name was katie scarlett o'hara hamilton kennedy butler. i think i will change my name to kayla shealey eldridge brooks balboa. because number 2 on my list is

2. rocky balboa. not sylvester stallone, although he is amazing. i am in love with rocky balboa. the character. *sigh* i even own "the italian stallion". check it out. but only if you're over 18. otherwise, leave it to the grown-ups. not the greatest cinematic event in stallone's career, but it'll provide a great laugh.

3. maternity pajamas. i purchased these when i was about 7 months pregnant with my last son. i wear them almost every single day. and by "day", i mean "day". in fact, i'm wearing them right now, and it's noon. these came from motherhood maternity and they're charcoal gray, but that doesn't matter. i would wear them if they were puke green. they are that comfortable. i think it's the fact that they allow so much extra room in the butt (which is perfect for a girl like me who has more than her fair share of "junk in the trunk"), and it's flowy in the tummy area, so it's not all snug and when i've eaten a little too much green bean casserole and i look about 4 months pregnant, i can blame it on the pajama top... it's maternity. it makes me look like that.

4. folger's coffee. the big, plastic "aromaseal" container. it is everything that coffee should be. with the coffee, i need:

5. coffeemate creamer. again, the big, plastic container. because i use a lot of it. probably 3 or 4 big, heaping spoonfuls in one cup of coffee. but it blends so well with my next favorite item...

6. sugar in the raw. i don't know why, but this is the absolute perfect sugar!!! it's super sweet so i don't have to use a whole lot of it in my coffee to make it taste like syrup- which i love. i was introduced to these little granules of heaven by pretty much the best ex-boyfriend ever and have been addicted ever since.

7. my yellow nikes... and guess what??? YOU'RE ALL GETTING A PAIR!!! okay, i made that up. just had to have my little Oprah moment. why is Oprah the only proper name that i'm capitalizing?? i kind of feel like i have to. you wouldn't not capitalize GOD or Jesus, would you?? not that Oprah is the equivalent, but it just feels necessary. i would capitalize Obama, and i'm not even a fan...

moving along...

8. soul miner's daughter sacred and profane. i discovered this album back in 1997 at honey creek and it has remained my all-time favorite album. it's jennifer nettles before we all knew her as "that girl in sugarland" and it is deep and soulful and everything that moves me in music. if you locate it (and believe me, it is hard to find) check out bodies and rhapsody. my two favorites.

9. deep bath tubs. they're just nice, aren't they?

10. chick fil a chicken nuggets. oh my gaaaaaahhhh... they are the most delicious things in the world. really.

11. cruise control. my car doesn't have it. i didn't even think to check for it before i signed my life away, and every time i hit I-75, i wish like hell i had. no cruise stinks.

12. playtex baby magic. it just smells like how a baby is supposed to smell.

13. boodreaux's butt paste. it smells kind of icky and is super duper sticky (nice.), but that's what makes it work. it sticks to your baby's bottom creating a barrier between the little tushy and all of the wetness in the diaper, therefor, preventing diaper rash before it starts. i love this stuff. my baby is 4 months old and has yet to have a diaper rash (knock on wood) and i'm convinced it's because of my religious use of the product.

14. target brand diapers. i think the actual brand is up & up, or something like that. and, to be honest, the reason i'm so in love with this things is purely vanity-related; they're stinkin' adorable!!! i purchased some the other day because i was working with a serious budget and 96 diapers were only 14.99. done. got them home and they were solid white with baby blue and pale green polka dots all over. soooo cute!! no cheesy characters or animals. oh yeah, and they work wonderfully. i mean, they catch all the pee and poop and stuff.

15. lysol disinfectant spray. i love the way this stuff smells. and the fact that it kills 99.9% of germs on contact is quite beneficial during cold and flu season. mama likey.

16. random "wall posts" ("holla" to all my facebook friends!!) to tell me how wonderful i am. sometimes i forget. thanks.

17. photos. another shout out to a facebook friend... Gibson Photos. they did my family portraits back in november and did the most amazing job! not only did the pictures turn out unbelievably wonderful, but they were so great at making us feel like we weren't a nuisance. and with 3 kids (8, 5 & 2 months) that can't be an easy task. but, they took it all in stride, we have beautiful portraits, and they got them to us quick, fast & in a hurry. again, mama likey. but, even aside from professional photos, i just love pictures. i take probably too many in a day, but that's easy to do when you have cute kids... or you've perfected that kissie-faced-side-glance look that i have deemed the "classic kayla". yeah, my myspace was covered in it. (remember that??? myspace??? ha. good times.)

18. big towels. bath sheets. i love those things. i'm not a "big girl" like my husband tries to make me think that i am, but i do love oversized things (back to the maternity pajamas...). i like big pajama pants, big sweatshirts, big blankets, big coffee cups, big shoulders (on my man), and bigger towels!!

19. dvr. it is the greatest invention. ever. i can watch house and cougar town back-to-back and skip through the commercials. heaven.

20. chelsea lately. it is my version of television utopia. i call it "teletopia". you have your beautiful, foul-mouthed, sarcastic chelsea (i could be her best friend. i just know it.), celebrity gossip (how much do i love celebrity gossip???), and josh wolf. *sigh* josh wolf...... probably should be #1 on my list of favorite things.... ya know what? i'll do one better... he is now Josh Wolf. yup, he's been capitalized. move over Oprah.

where the noise is

we've all heard that "home is where the heart is". i was thinking this morning, as i poured my first cup of coffee for the day in my brand new kitchen, in my brand new house, that maybe home is where the coffee is. my home would be where my coffee pot sits on the kitchen counter, the giant containers of folger's and coffeemate stacked in the cabinet above, waiting for me to click that little button over to the right so that my day can begin as it should- caffeine induced.
then i heard it.
"waa.."
not really a cry. more like a sweet little sound of "i'm awake. it's time to pick me up please. i can hear you in there" from my 4-month-old son. i set my coffee on the counter, not to be picked up again until it was almost too cold to drink . i say "almost" because i'll drink it regardless. i walked into the still not-quite-put-together nursery, over to the crib, and picked up my smiling infant. he babbled on and on for what seemed like twenty minutes, but was probably closer to two. this "noise" is what wakes me up. it's what makes my heart beat. it's what makes me take every single breath that i take.
silence stinks.
this comes from a woman who rarely lets a quiet moment fill her home. i talk. a lot. but the sounds that fill my house are, to me, what makes it a home. i have only been in the "new house" since monday and already it is my home. but something is missing.
noise.
i need more noise.
i have two other children. an 8-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old son. they both talk as much as i do. (a trait that, i'm sure, their father wishes they hadn't inherited) they left on christmas day to move to virginia where their father lives. (go ahead, think whatever you will of the fact that my children now reside out of state. i promise, you will not be thinking anything that i have not said out loud to myself on numerous occassions. all i ask is that until you have been exactly where i am, please do not judge me. but, you will. i know. because i would, too. human nature, or something like that. it's hard to put yourself completely in someone else's shoes. for that, i forgive you in advance. proceed with your judgement... just proceed with your reading, as well.)
before they left, i awoke every morning to the sound of my youngest son crying. once he was fed, changed, and put back to bed i would crawl back into my own bed only to be awakened again a mere twenty or so minutes later to the sound of the alarm clock. the next sound i would here was the sound of my daughter grumbling. she is not such a morning person. my older son, my sweet baby boy, would sleepily begin telling me about his dreams. usually about monsters, but he was never scared. in his dreams, he played with the monsters. i love that boy so much. i could have five more sons, but he will always be my baby boy.
the rest of my day would be filled with the sound of the baby laughing, crying, "talking" (uh-oh, another "me")... the telephone ringing... whatever is on E! as background noise. rarely the vaccuum cleaner. i'm not a huge fan of housework. and then there was the constant "click, click, click"ing of the computer as i do my seemingly neverending schoolwork.
then 3:40 came and the sound of the children rushing in the door, the dog barking, the tales of their day at school, whether my baby boy "got a green" or a red that day (green is good... for the record), why -insert name of my daughter's crush- talked to -insert name of random girl in her class- during recess instead of her... the "mama, can i"s, the "mama, look what he/she did!"s.... these are my "noises".
someone once came to my home while my children were running around playing... being loud. (being children) and said "do they have to make so much noise?!? is all of that really necessary?" so i told the children to keep the noise level down; to be quiet while she-who-shall-remain-nameless was there.
i wish i hadn't.
it's so quiet now. 3:40 comes and goes. no bus. no children rushing in the door. no tattling. no complaints over what's for dinner. no one to request the toy to be put in their thursday night happy meal, even though they've been told repeatedly they just put whatever toy they have in there.... you don't get to choose.
no more "you're the best mommy in the world. i mean it." coming from my daughter, followed by a giant hug.
no more "i love you bigger than a million trees." coming from my son, followed by a snotty-nosed kiss.
skype and cell phones are great, but they don't take the place of the "real thing".
the children will be back in may.
the baby talks more and more every day, almost as if he's trying to fill the empty silence left by his brother and sister.
most of my friends enjoy their peace and quiet. i dread it.
my home is where the noise is.